


In Which Sophie is Introduced to the Rugby Club

by DwarvenBeardSpores



Category: Howl Series - Diana Wynne Jones, Howl's Moving Castle - All Media Types, JONES Diana Wynne - Works
Genre: Alcohol, F/M, Post-Canon, Rugby, Swearing, Wales
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-10
Updated: 2017-02-10
Packaged: 2018-09-23 05:04:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,920
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9641846
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DwarvenBeardSpores/pseuds/DwarvenBeardSpores
Summary: Howl takes Sophie to Wales to meet his friends and watch a game. They get drunk, and there is more magic than anticipated. Of course.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Hey there! I've been plugging away on this fic for like a month now and I'm very proud to have finished it. 
> 
> Disclaimer that I am not from Wales nor am I very familiar with Rugby. I did my best, but if you catch any glaring errors I made please let me know.

"Sophie," Howl said, in that careless way that suggested he had thought something through quite thoroughly but didn't want anyone to know he had. "How would you fancy a bit of an adventure?" He leaned one elbow on the counter as he finished the last of a slice of cake and stared intently as Sophie arranged a bouquet of flowers for the front window of the shop. 

Sophie snorted. "As though we don't get enough adventure already!" she said. "I still haven't recovered from that ghost you awakened last week. Or that spell that just brought you a lot of bees." 

Howl waved the concerns away with his hand. "Excellent," he said, "because I thought I should introduce you to the Rugby Club."

Sophie dropped the flowers immediately. "In Wales?" 

"Obviously in Wales," Howl said. "There's a meeting tonight, and it's very secret business you know, normally guests aren't invited, but I rather think they'd like you and you'd like them. Besides, Mrs. Nose, I don't want to be viciously attacked with your questions the moment I get back home."

All of which he'd slither out of anyway, Sophie thought ruefully. But that hardly mattered. Her mind was made up. She had decided that any opportunity to explore the strange land called Wales which Howl was so protective of was worth taking. And if she got to meet some of his friends, so much the better. "I suppose you won't stop pestering me till you've got your way," she said. "So I accept your invitation." 

Howl grinned widely. "Wonderful! In that case, I shall go and do my hair." 

"What should I do?" Sophie asked, not sure how one prepared for a mysterious Rugby Club meeting, but Howl simply disappeared out the back door and did not answer.

"Drat," said Sophie, and returned to her flowers. Shortly, she was humming with giddy anticipation. 

The anticipation had given way to something more akin to terror by the time Howl was finally ready to go. After emerging from the bathroom, he'd spent the next hour alternating between running haphazardly around the castle finding things to do and telling Sophie facts about Wales and Rugby that he obviously expected her to remember but was too animated to explain properly. 

"Now if a team gets the ball all the way down the field, that's a try, and after a try the other team's got a shot at a conversion," Howl said helpfully. 

"So that's the point of Rugby, then?" Sophie asked. "Getting tries?"

"No," said Howl. "Well, yes. But there's a lot more to it than that. The really fun parts." He started talking animatedly about something called a Scrum, but halfway through his explanation something on his workbench started billowing green and acrid smoke, and Howl had to abandon Rugby for a minute to deal with that. 

Then a thought occurred to him and he ran upstairs to grab something. "This is what we're using for money," Howl said on the way back down, and he tossed a handful of strange looking coins and pieces of paper into Sophie's lap. "Try not to look too surprised. I'll do all the transactions of course, but you can keep that if you want." 

Sophie stared at the paper, which didn't look like money at all, and the coins, which did but were very much the wrong size and shape. "How much is this?" she asked. 

"The television will be on," Howl continued instead of answering. "That's the "magic box" you asked about before. It's not really magic, it runs on electricity."

"I haven't the faintest idea what you're talking about," Sophie said. "Sit down and tell it to me properly."

"They'll be showing the game, and you don't need to understand what's going on. It's like..." Howl gestured in the air, "It's like a magic mirror. It's showing something that's happening in another place all together." 

"Oh," said Sophie. That at least made some sort of sense. "So no one's really trapped in there."

Howl barked a quick laugh. "No," he said, and kept on rattling things off as he thought of them. Sophie thought she would be lucky to remember a quarter of what he said. It was all so strange!

"And Sophie," Howl said. "I'm sure you'll find a way to mess it up somehow, but the fellows in the Rugby Club don't actually know that I'm a wizard, and I'd prefer to keep it that way."

"I see," said Sophie, even though she did not see at all. But after all, Howl's sister Megan, didn't know about his magical life either, and most people in Ingary didn't know about his life in Wales. "I think that's a very foolish decision," she said. 

"Of course it is," said Howl. "But it would be even more foolish to tell them. You can't have a lot of people rushing back and forth between worlds without an awful lot of trouble, and you can't just tell people about another world and expect them to leave it be. You're certainly proof of that." 

Sophie snorted. Howl  _would_  try to take the cowardly way out of everything. "Well I won't tell them tonight," she said. "But I still don't like it." 

"I expected nothing less," Howl said, and gave her a charming smile that Sophie returned with a scowl. 

Howl's rattling eventually gave way to a silence thick with anticipation. He ran his long sleeves through his fingers so many times Sophie was sure she'd have to mend them sooner rather than later. Calcifer recognized the silence immediately when he slid down the chimney and into the hearth. "Curses!" he said. "You're going out and leaving me behind."

"Only for the evening," Howl said vaguely. 

"If we survive that long," Sophie added darkly. She was not at all sure this would be the case. 

"Oh come now," said Howl. Then he sprang to his feet and peered out the window. It was nearly sundown. "Ah, we can leave now. We should be just in time to arrive fashionably late. Come along Sophie." He extended his arm in a chivalrous manner which was either supposed to be dramatic or reassuring, probably both. Regardless, Sophie stood and clutched onto that arm. She had very nearly given up acting frightened in Ingary, where she knew she could talk almost anything down if she had a go at it, but she was not at all sure what to expect from Wales. 

They exited the castle with the knob black-side down. It was nearly sundown in Wales, too, and the air was sharply cold and getting colder. Sophie looked down at herself and noticed that her clothes were doing the misty thing again, and soon her brown dress reformed itself as something more appropriate. Once again, the hem was shorter, and the dress cinched a bit more tightly around her waist. She had a jacket with a strange sort of edging down the front that looked a bit like rows of smooth grey teeth. Howl was wearing a red and white jacket and tight pants rather like he'd given Michael the first time through. His hair was still impeccable. 

Sophie smoothed the skirt down with one hand, while the other continued clutching onto Howl. "It hasn't got any pockets," she realized. 

"Hasn't it?" asked Howl. 

"None whatsoever," Sophie said. "Now fix it up right so that I've got some." 

Howl sighed and waved his hands. Two spots near Sophie's hips blurred again, and came back featuring lovely deep pockets. 

"That's much better," Sophie said. She reached into one and found that it held everything non-magical that had been in her pockets back in Ingary; sewing supplies, a few folded notes, and Howl's strange money. 

"Wonderful. Now let's get out of here before someone looks out one of those windows and notices me," said Howl. He glanced back at the house he and Sophie had just exited, which of course was his sister's house. Sophie did not particularly want to run into Howl's sister just then, so she let him lead her off at a brisk pace. 

"We're not taking the horseless carriage?" she asked, a bit relieved. "Car," she amended, that being the shortened version of the word that they seemed to use in Wales. 

Howl chuckled. "Of course not, I'd just have to leave it behind," he said cryptically. "Besides, it's not far." 

They walked down several streets of suspicious yellow houses and then a street of equally suspicious shops. Sophie felt very much like she did not belong. She stuck her chin out determinedly. Those nosy folk wouldn't actually do anything besides look and talk, and Howl's name seemed to be black enough here that Sophie doubted it would really do either of them much harm. 

"This place has been here as long as I can remember," Howl said, gesturing to a shop with a sign in a language Sophie could not read. "Megan and I would go after school. That is, until the owner caught us stealing sweets from the counter." 

Sophie had been about to suggest they go in, but shut her mouth quickly. "Oh," she said. 

Howl laughed. He seemed to be in quite a good mood. He pointed out other shops all down the street, ones he remembered, new ones that he didn't quite trust, and the building that always smelled of cigars, no matter what business was set up in it. At the corner, Howl stopped in front of a low brick building labeled with another name Sophie couldn't read. "Here we are," Howl said, and pushed the door open.

The building was very clearly a pub, and it was very loud inside. Sophie had not been in many pubs in her life, but she had peered through the windows of some in Market Chipping, and she had gone out once with Martha and Lettie because, according to Martha, "we've all three done quite well for ourselves, and we ought to celebrate." This pub was warmly lit and decorated in oranges and browns. There were tables and a bar, and cheerful people were passing around food and drink. There was indeed a magic box- a television- attached up in one corner, and it showed tiny people running about very excitedly. This was really happening somewhere, Sophie realized, with full-sized people. It only looked tiny because of the size of the television. 

The loudest part of the pub was the corner closest to the television. Several tables had been pushed together to accommodate a throng of young men dressed in red and white. Technically, they were probably about Howl's age, which was several years older than Sophie, but she still found it was hard to shake the perceptions of an old woman. The men spoke loudly and laughed loudly, and sometimes yelled at the television even more loudly.

To Sophie's dismay, it was this crowd that Howl made a beeline for. It made sense. He was wearing the same sort of clothes. He greeted the men with friendly slaps on the shoulders and back, and they all seemed very pleased to see him, slapping him back and laughing. 

"Jenkins!" shouted one, thick and handsome, with a nose that looked as though it had been broken several times. "You made it!" He had dark hair cut very short, which was a striking difference from Howl's long blonde locks. 

"Of course I did," said Howl, looking somewhat offended. "You know this is a big game." 

"Owen was saying you wouldn't," the first young man said. "Saying you'd be too busy now." That  _'now'_ was heavy with meaning, though Sophie couldn't quite tell what that meaning was supposed to be. 

Howl shook his head. "Well he's dead wrong," he said. "And speaking of which, I've brought Sophie along." Here he turned away from the throng and gestured to Sophie, who had been hanging back, not sure if she was supposed to begin slapping people too. "Sophie, this is Ian."

Ian gave out a sort of surprised laugh. "There she is!" he said. "I'd never have believed it." 

"What's that supposed to mean?" Sophie demanded. She found she had to raise her voice quite a bit to be heard over the rest of the noise in the pub. All at once, the Rugby Club turned to look at her, and Sophie felt very much like she was on display. Howl began to introduce his friends, but Sophie was only half listening. 

"Well I'll be," said one of the young men. "It's really true!" 

"What is?" said Sophie.

A different young man answered her question. "Well, you are. Damn, that's gonna cost me." The rest of the club laughed loudly. 

"Why shouldn't I be real?" Sophie demanded over the din. She was beginning to feel as though she was missing something very important, and it made her angry.

"You're too pretty for Jenkins," someone in the back of the room piped up. Sophie could not tell if he meant it kindly or not. 

"Well you say far too much," Sophie said back. "Shut up, why don't you, and someone tell me what this is all about." She saw the man in the back open his mouth to protest, then frown and clutch as his throat as no sound came out. So my magic does work in Wales, Sophie thought. Well I didn't mean to do that, but I don't care!

The Rugby Club laughed, but a bit nervously. "It's just that Howl's awfully good at stories," Ian said. "It's nothing personal." He pulled his hand out of his pocket, and sighed as he counted through several pieces of the paper money. He waved his hand to call over one of the waiters. That was when Sophie began to see what was going on. 

"Howl," she said, and grabbed his arm to drag him away. "Did you bring me here just to prove to your friends that you've found a woman who will put up with you?"

"Whatever would give you that idea?" asked Howl.

"You bet drinks on my being here," Sophie deduced. 

The Rugby Club laughed. "You got him there," said Ian, effectively ruining any chance Howl had of dodging the question. Howl gave him a betrayed look. 

"It's a bit more complicated than that," he said. 

Sophie did not find that reassuring. "Have you been talking to them about me?" 

"No," said Howl.

"Not much," said a man to Ian's left, with shaggy red hair and an unfortunate beard. His name was Elis. "That is, Howell talks a lot of nonsense once you've got a few drinks in him, so we can never tell what he really means. But he's mentioned you, for sure."

"He keeps complaining," Ian chimed in. "That's how we know it's was serious. When he does nothing but gush, he's just talking out his ass."

"It's true, too," Sophie said, and glared at Howl. She was not entirely sure if she felt flattered or furious, so she settled on annoyed. It was not until a few seconds later that she realized the proper thing to do would have been to act scandalized at the man's crude language. It was a good thing she didn't particularly care. 

"Well you do the same thing with your sisters," Howl said, raising his hands. "I fear for my life when I hear you three have been gossiping again." 

"It's your own fault," Sophie said. She eyed the Rugby Club apprehensively. They were obviously fascinated by this exchange, but beyond that she could not tell what they were thinking.  "Anyway," she added to the Club at large. "I do exist. And I'm not sure what Howl- er- Howell has told you, but it's probably all mixed around to make him sound noble."

Howl's friends laughed. 'Ah, Jenkins has got a true tragedy of a life," Elis said, and shoved Howl playfully. 

Howl seemed more amused than anything. He shoved Elis and said "piss off." 

Sophie snorted. She had not been sure what to expect, but it was clear that these men seemed to understand Howl quite well, just from a very different perspective. 

Elis dragged his stool sideways so Sophie could pull up a seat. She grabbed a slightly rickety chair from an empty table nearby and sank gratefully into it. Except for Howl, the club all seemed like one large curious and slightly distrustful entity. When she was standing, she was very much apart, and that was more than a little overwhelming.  "So Sophie," Elis said. "You have to tell us. Wherever did he find you?"

Oh dear, Sophie thought. She could hardly tell these boys that she had hired herself as the cleaning lady in Howl's castle after being cursed into becoming an old woman, and made such a nuisance of herself that she eventually saved Howl's life. "Hasn't Howell told you already?" she asked. 

Elis laughed. Sophie supposed it was a foolish question. Howl never told anyone anything. She would just have come up with something on her own. "We met during a May Day celebration," she said, because that was not untrue. "And then-"

But before she had a chance to continue, Howl suddenly shouted "Look!" 

Everyone looked. Howl was pointing at the television. Something very exciting must have happened, and several of the boys stood up and started shouting along with Howl. Sophie could not understand what it was they were shouting about, or what they wanted to happen, and they sounded angry and excited all at once. 

"Leave it to Jenkins to have an eye out for the wing," Elis said. 

Sophie squinted at the television but could find no sign of any wings. There were just running men, and the ball that Howl had mentioned being thrown around and carried. It did not look nearly as exciting as it obviously was. When whatever was happening was over, the men sat down again and kept talking about it. Sophie could understand about half of what was said. The other half was in what was probably the same language as the Saucepan song. Sophie noticed Howl slipping in and out of this language as he moved from conversation to conversation. 

Eventually, Elis returned from the bar with a drink for Howl, and one for Sophie too. 

"Thank you," Sophie said. The drink smelled foul and looked a bit like piss. It was probably beer, and Sophie did not particularly like beer. But it looked as though Elis was about to ask her about meeting Howl again, so she took a drink anyway. It was beer, and Sophie grimaced at the taste, but the burning in her chest was friendly, and the distraction was welcome. Beer, it turned out, was not so different in these two worlds. She took another drink.

While she was doing that, Howl started a conversation about Elis that had something to do with what seemed to be a recurring set of plays. Each show advanced the story, and Elis watched it every week and seemed happy to tell Howl about what he had missed. It seemed to have something to do with ships. What a curious way to tell a story!

This went on for several minutes until somebody else shouted at the television, and then everyone continued shouting. Sophie did not shout. She ducked her head to her drink and muttered "taste better." Her next sip tasted mostly of honey. 

"Not a rugby girl?" Ian said from Sophie's left. He leaned one thick arm on the table as though settling in for a long conversation. 

"No," Sophie said. She had a general idea from what Howl had told her, but was still sorely lacking in the finer details. 

"Shame," he said. "So look-" and he leaned forward as though he was going to explain the entire thing all at once. 

Sophie did not want to know. Or rather, she wanted to learn later when she had the space to  _think_ about things and really understand it. Before Ian could get very far, she interrupted him. "Howell said he used to play." 

"That he did," Ian said. "Most of us did. University team. Nothing quite like it." And from there he went on telling stories.

Sophie listened closely, and although it was hard to hear with all the talking and shouting, it was certainly much easier to understand than game rules. Ian talked in a casual but firm way, like he really wanted you to hear what he was saying. She gathered that Ian and Howl had been on the same team, but played different positions. One of those positions was called the Wing, and that's what Howl had played. Apparently it involved a lot of running. "He's good at that," Sophie said. She also gathered that Howl had been just as charming when he'd been in school as he was in Ingary. It had been just as much trouble back then too. 

"No one ever really thought he'd settle down back then," Ian said. 

"Neither did I, at first," Sophie said, and then hurriedly drained her glass before Ian could ask about the 'at first.'

"We were always messing with shit," Ian said. "One time we turned all the books in the library upside down and backwards. It took all night."

"Why?" said Sophie. That seemed like an awful lot of work just to cause an awful lot of trouble.

"My idea," said Ian. He scratched his dark hair and chuckled. "The good stuff was always my idea, but Jenkins went in on it. You always asked Jenkins to go in on things. He'd just sit around and complain, or grab a book and start reading right in the middle, but it was worth it because he'd be the one to get everybody out of trouble."

"What was in it for him?" Sophie asked. 

Ian shrugged. "You could never quite tell at the time, but it always seemed to work out all right. He wouldn't even commit to being there, but then you'd show up and there he was. Might've been lonely and bored, you know. He always kept that distance, and he'd disappear into books for days on end. Anyway, that's why things happen at University, isn't it?" 

"I'm sure," said Sophie, though she had no idea. She made a note to ask Howl about it later, or, since that probably wouldn't do any good, at least to tell Calcifer. The fire demon would find the prank hilarious. 

The evening continued on, and Sophie got sucked into many conversations, some about Howl, and some not. Howl was very good at causing distractions and sliding out of answering questions about his life. Sophie was not so subtle about it, but she was very firm about not answering things she did not want to, and didn't mind the rest. 

She told the rugby club about how Howl was an awful mess, which they knew, and about the flower shop, which they did not, and about her sisters, and not terribly much else. There were plenty of distractions to go around anyway. The television, for one, and the sheer fact of a number of people all trying to have conversations at the same time. Sophie also learned little things about Elis's boyfriend, and Ian's children and Owen's house.

Twice, trays appeared filled with strips of potato that were very salty and very very good. Sophie ate quite a lot of them. Unfortunately, she drank quite a bit too, and she wasn't particularly practiced at drinking. 

At one point a blurred face, which had lost its name somewhere along the way, asked what she and Howl did all day. Sophie, thinking, couldn't come up with a single thing that would be appropriate to tell this young boy. "Not magic," she settled on, and nodded once for good measure. " _Definitely_  not magic."

The face she had been talking to frowned, and then laughed. "Oh shit," it said. "You're a nonsense drunk like Jenkins is too."

"I am not!" Sophie retorted. "I am speaking only the truth and I am  _not_ drunk." It occurred to her that this was exactly what Howl would say when he was drunk. That thought was suddenly indescribably funny, and Sophie snorted laughter out her nose. "Damnnation," she said. "I suppose I am!"

If she had been looking at Howl just then, she would have seen him glance over at her with a vaguely worried expression. After all, she was a very powerful witch who cast spells through her words. If she started speaking everything that came into her head, who knew what might happen. 

But Sophie was not looking. She took another drink and laughed and snorted some more. "Imagine getting drunk with the fucking Rugby Club of all things!" she said. "I never would have believed." It occurred to her that she was swearing rather awfully, but it felt good, and nobody seemed to mind. Martha would have been proud. "Fucking Wales," she said, just because she could. "Nothing turns out anything like you'd expect, does it?" 

At least one person agreed with her. Sophie had forgotten entirely who it was, but at least he looked to be quite drunk too. There was solidarity in that. 

"Did you know," Sophie said, "that I expected I'd never amount to anything at all? And yet just yesterday I set the front lawn on fire? One of the front lawns," she amended. "though really you can't call the garden a lawn, and the one in Wales isn't mine. And the other one's just a street. So  _there_." 

"You set it on fire?" someone asked.

"Yes," said Sophie, and she raised her nose high and dignified. "I was  _trying_  an  _experiment_." 

"Shit," said someone. "You put it out?"

"Of course," Sophie said. "But I couldn't fucking talk it down. Making things alive is  _much_  easier than making them dead. So I talked water up from the ground. It worked that way." 

"That's as much nonsense as Jenkins," somebody else said, which was very rude of him. 

Sophie glared most severely. "Well that's something!" she said. "And where did you learn to speak like that, boy?" Children simply had no respect sometimes. 

"My dear Sophie," said Howl, suddenly next to her. He had been drinking too, but he was not exactly drunk yet, just a bit flushed. His accent was stronger, like he was settling into this world more and more. He put a hand on her shoulder, though whether that was just to steady himself or not, Sophie could not be quite sure. "What on earth are you doing?" 

"Nothing," said Sophie, not at all sure what Howl was getting at. 

"I should have known you'd go and get drunk on me." Howl said, and took the glass out of her hands. 

Sophie took it right back. "I'm busy," she said. "And you've given your friends a bad impression of me, so it's only fair."

"No, that you did yourself," said Howl. "Besides, I'm not so sure they actually mind you."

Sophie was about to answer, but suddenly everyone else around the table made a "wooooah" noise and Sophie forgot entirely what she was about to say. She thought it must have to do with the game, so she paid it no mind. But then there was an altogether new sound, like a river full of sewing needles, and she turned to look.

"This is fucked!" someone said. "We're nearly through the second half!" He was very upset. 

It took Sophie a minute to tell what was wrong. Everyone was gesturing angrily at the television, which was now displaying nothing but white and black and grey lines. Every so often, the rugby game would flash through, but then it was gone again. This was obviously not supposed to happen. 

Someone- Ian?- approached and started messing with the stalks that planted the television in the wall. It didn't seem to do any good, and he got booed away. "You're making it worse!" someone yelled, though Sophie couldn't actually see any difference. 

Howl ran a hand through his hair. "This always happens," he said mournfully. "All televisions hate the Welsh." 

Well, Sophie thought to herself, I haven't any idea how this thing works. But if it's like a magic mirror, and I'm not half bad with those, perhaps I can get this one working. She downed the rest of her glass- this one tasted like berries- and stood up. 

Immediately the room tipped and slid and stretched. Sophie pressed her hands to the table, which was much less tippy, and waited for it to stop. It felt rather like when the castle had moved house, only worse. 

"I wonder where the pub door will get out after this," she muttered. "Probably Marsh Folding." 

Howl appeared next to her again, looking concerned. "You're a lightweight," he said. 

"Fuck off," Sophie muttered, and shoved past him. Once she was used to being upright, the room didn't tip quite so much, and she simply had to shove the boys aside as she made her way to the television. 

"Hey," they called after her. "Where are you going?"

Sophie didn't answer.

"Don't you think you'd better sit down?" asked Elis. 

"No," said Sophie. "I'm busy." 

"But-" said Elis. 

"Young man," Sophie said, "when you get to be my age, you'll learn that some things simply need a stern talking to and not a lot of fussy sitting." She scowled. Then she realized she was not actually particularly old at the moment, and Elis was almost certainly older. But he was backing away anyway, and what really mattered was fixing the damned magic box. 

It was too high for her to reach, so she stood underneath it and put her hands on her hips threateningly. "Now what seems to be the problem with you?" she asked it loudly.

The magic box continued to screech. The rugby game appeared and then was gone. 

"That's awfully unkind of you," she said. "These boys simply want to watch the game." 

"Sophie," said Howl. "I don't think you'd better-" 

"Hush," said Sophie. "Anyway, magic box, you've got a job and I suggest you get back to it. No more of this silly fuzzing around." 

"This is Wales," said Howl.

"What's she doing?" demanded someone behind Howl. 

"I know that," said Sophie. "Come on, work!"

"I don't think you're going to-" said Howl, but he stopped as the television turned back on suddenly. An announcer's voice said something, and the seemingly tiny people ran a lot and fell over and clumped together, and there was not a trace of the bothersome grey and white lines to be seen. The Rugby Club cheered very loudly. 

"Well I'll be," said Howl.

"There," said Sophie. "That was easy. Oh fuck." And then the room lurched again and she found she had to clutch onto Howl's shoulder for dear life. 

Luckily, Howl did not fall over. Instead, he led her back to a chair and someone got her a glass of water. Howl talked at her a lot too. "Reckless as always. I should have known you'd get yourself into trouble even here." Sophie was just sober enough to tell that he was worried but trying to pretend that he wasn't. 

"I'm fine," Sophie said. Her voice came out a bit strange and slurred, and not nearly as irritated as she would have liked. She drank the water slowly and deliberately. 

"Of course you are," said Howl, somewhat fondly. "Not even heavy drinking can keep you down. You're a menace." 

Sophie nodded in agreement, before realizing what she was agreeing too. "Well I fixed the box," she said. "Or it's a tele-vision isn't it? What a stupid name for something." 

"I wasn't sure your magic would work in this world." Howl said. He didn't seem to mind talking about magic now. His friends were mostly distracted by the game anyway. "Especially since you haven't done electronics before. They're not that different, really, but you have to change your focus a little, because-"

"Shut up," Sophie said. "I'm too drunk for this." 

Howl laughed. "Later, then," he said. "It really is fascinating. It took me months to get the subtleties down." 

"That's cause you worry about things like  _subtleties._ "  said Sophie, "'Instead of just out and saying what you  _mean_."

Howl shook his head. "Our talents cannot all be as blunt as yours, Mrs. Pendragon."

"Mrs. Jenkins to you," Sophie said haughtily. "We're in  _another world._ "

"I have to say," Howl mused, "that it's an absolutely atrocious name, but I don't mind it as much when you use it." 

"Vain fool," said Sophie, rather loudly indeed. 

"Say Sophie," one of the young men said, appearing suddenly next to her. "How'd you fix it anyhow?"

"Simple," said Sophie. "I talked at it." 

"No, but seriously," the man pressed. "It's working better than ever. Weird things always happen around Jenkins, you know that? Are you part of it?"

"Well the truth is-" said Sophie, but she was interrupted. 

"Oh look at that knock on!" Howl shouted, and suddenly all attention was back on the game. Sophie hadn't even noticed that Howl had positioned himself so he could watch and talk to her at the same time. But evidently the game was almost over. It was not particularly close, but Howl's team was winning and he was invested in it staying that way. He muttered to Elis about how it might play out, they shouted at the television to make sure it did what they wanted. 

"That's it," Sophie muttered to her water. "Tomorrow I'm going to make Howl tell me all about it, and I won't let him slither out once." 

The rumble of the pub became a roar, and then the roar became equal the sound of a thousand very excited shrieking banshees as the Welsh team held their ground and time ran out. 

"Hurrah!" shouted Sophie, into the din. The excitement was contagious, and she liked shouting. 

"I knew we'd pull through," said Howl, and suddenly he was kissing Sophie, fast and wet and excited. 

Sophie flushed. "Well!" she said, but she couldn't think of anything more to say, so she grabbed his strange jacket and pulled him down to kiss her again. 

She couldn't tell if the Rugby Club even noticed. There was so much noise going on, and anyway, she didn't particularly care. She did care, though, and Howl did too, when the drunken revelry turned into a very familiar tune. 

"The saucepan song!" Sophie exclaimed, and she joined right in. Howl did too. She did not think they'd ever sung it at the same time before, but here they were, singing the familiar and foreign song in the middle of a familiar but foreign world. It was just a moment, but Sophie felt thoroughly as though she belonged.

"A'r gath wedi huno mewn hedd," the group sang, with a note of finality, and then quite a lot of whooping. "Drinks for everybody!" someone shouted. 

That seemed to Sophie to be a great idea. "Drinks for everybody!" she shouted back. Too late she realized that quite a lot of magic had come through her lips at that statement. 

A loud shattering and popping noise came from the bar. Bottles exploded and corks popped straight upwards. Alcohol fizzed and shot into the air, it dripped onto the ground, it slicked its way along surfaces as though it had a mind of it's own. Shards of glass fell across the counter. One of the bartenders screamed. The Rugby Club clamored. 

"What did you do?!" Howl roared, shielding his hair from the spray. 

Some quick-thinking soul tried to mop up some of the mess, but the alcohol was to clever for that. It dodged the towel quite neatly, and found it's way through the air and across the floor to the glasses on the table. There, it began settling itself in each container, filling it to the brim. 

"Oh fuck," Sophie said. "Drinks for nobody!" That didn't work. The alcohol was determined to fulfill its original purpose, whether Sophie wanted it to or not. She dodged it as it started to crawl towards her shoes. 

Some of the Rugby boys were ecstatic. A few picked up the full glasses and drank them. A few just stared at everything, open-mouthed. At least two said something along the lines of "Jenkins, what did you do  _now?_ "

Howl tried a bit of magic of his own. Sophie could feel it arcing through the air, setting her hair on end. Nothing happened. Howl tried again, and still nothing happened. 

"At least stop when the glasses are filled," Sophie called into the din. That one she felt take. "And then stay stopped," she added. 

Howl obviously felt it take too. He grabbed Sophie's arm. "Come on," he said. "Let's get out of here."

"Coward," Sophie said. "At least let me pay for it all." She reached into her pocket and pulled out the wad of money Howl had given her earlier. She tossed it on the table. "There," she said firmly, and then she and howl stumbled out of the pub together. 

"What  _was_ that?" Howl gasped, as soon as they were outside. The strength of his accent was even more noticeable in the relative quiet. 

Sophie turned her face up to look at the sky. There were fewer stars here than there were in most of Ingary, and the sky was more orange than she'd expected. Still, the cold air on her flushed face felt good, and she could see the moon. It was so quiet. Beautiful. 

"Sophie!"

Sophie turned back to look at Howl. "I don't know," she said. "I just said it and it happened. Maybe it had to do with how everyone was so excited."

"Crowd energy," Howl said. "That's terrifying."

"You're always fucking terrified." 

Howl looked at her, and then he started laughing. Sophie laughed too, loudly into the night. They were both quite drunk. 

"I was terrified this afternoon," Howl said. "Why do you think I made that bet? I needed to make sure not to scare myself out of taking you. I didn't know  _what_ was going to happen."

"Then why take me at all?" Sophie pressed. 

"Because I happen to have friends and a wife, and I'm allowed to show them both off," Howl said with great dignity as he stumbled on the curb.

Sophie cackled. "And I've messed it all up." 

"You'd be surprised," Howl said, "how easy they find it not to question things. But even if they do get suspicious, all is not lost. We won the game, and I can cling to that memory at least." 

"And if it weren't for my magic," Sophie said, a bit haughtily, "you wouldn't have even gotten to see the end of it." 

"No," Howl agreed. "It seems inevitable that I suffer."

Sophie snorted. Howl pulled a mournful face, and Sophie retorted "you just want people to feel sorry for you." 

"Do you know how many games I miss, living in another world?" Howl said. "And how many chances I've got for clever jokes that the boys won't understand?" He shook his head. "It's very difficult being split in two, you know." He looked truly regretful at this, and Sophie almost began to feel bad.

"Well it was your decision," she said.

"I know," Howl said. "That's the true tragedy of it."

"I can't tell," Sophie said, "if you're being honest or just dramatic. I'm far too drunk for that." 

"Well," Howl said. "If you're drunk you should sing." He turned up his head to the night sky and started singing the saucepan song. His hair fell around his shoulders and his hands reached towards the sky. He was not a very good singer, nor did Sophie think he was trying to be. Somehow, that suited the night. Sophie joined in. It was very different, just the two of them singing, than when the entire rugby club sang all at once. Sophie found she liked this way even better. They were still singing when they got back to Howl's sister's house, and opened the door in a certain way that brought them back to the castle. 

Calcifer looked up sleepily from the grate. "Oh," he said. "You're wasted. I should have known. I was hoping you'd tell me a story." 

"Tomorrow," Sophie said. She sat down in the chair by the fire. It was very warm and comfortable. Although she had been singing wildly a few minutes ago, she was suddenly overtaken by a strong desire to doze off, right here. 

"Sophie made the bar explode," Howl began. "Also, our team won." 

Calcifer flickered in annoyance. "I'd prefer a coherent story," he said. "Now go to sleep."

"Sophie?" Howl said, gesturing at the stairs. 

"I'm not moving," Sophie declared. "Besides, you snore when you're drunk."

Howl pulled another sad face that Sophie didn't see because she had already closed her eyes. A minute later she heard him climb the stairs, stumbling a little and humming under his breath.

"It was so busy," Sophie murmured to Calcifer. "And Howl used me to win free drinks." 

"That sounds like Howl," Calcifer answered. 

"Sing with me," Sophie said, and after a moment Calcifer began crackling the familiar song. His inflections were different than Howl's, or the Rugby Club's, Sophie noticed. She had been intending to sing along too, but instead she fell asleep and dreamed of magic boxes and excitable saucepans. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! I'd love to hear what you thought :D
> 
> You can also find me on tumblr @dwarven-beard-spores. Come talk to me about these dorks!


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